A fox on the underground

For more than two or three years, I didn’t stay alone in the night, the whole night. Always with someone I was happy with or someone I had to be with. Tonight was the first time after these years. The flat, the whole space was occupied by me again. 


I found myself started doing the same thing I usually did when I was alone in the night. Writing for pleasure; writing for nothing. However, there was still something different. I decided to start English blogging tonight. 


“It should be easy”, I thought. People whose first language is not English always write English on Facebook, Twitter or Plurk. It seems like using English can express more precisely for them. “I can do the same, and on my own web space”, so then I did.


Actually it is not easy. I got bored with my writing already. Why do I have to keep a diary in English? But I guess I have to do it for a short time at least, to feel something I can do.


Today Max said he got a bit anxiety because the longer the book printing process it takes, the more unsure feeling it appears. He knows he needs to have more patience. But I totally understand this kind of feeling. Sometimes you just can’t stop thinking “why am I doing this”, especially when you don’t see an outcome yet.


We stayed at Tate for the whole afternoon. It was nice to meet his friends. A guy does illustration and graphic design. A couple from LCC do photography. The meeting was quite productive. And I laughed a lot because they joked all the time. 


At 5pm Max told me he would go to that couple’s place for dinner. So Max and me walked to London Bridge Station. He took a bus. The couple cycled home. I went into underground. 


Today I coughed so much and my voice was almost gone after talking with people. But when I saw them left, I felt a bit lonely. 


Luckily, Sukju was on the skype when I got home. We talked for an hour. Today he said to me “you are more important than what you are going to do”. This English expression sounds a bit awkward but I could understand.  


He wants to find out money and reasons to go to London. But he also knows that having a self-funding solo show here doesn’t mean much. He should then try to focus and work on his own work. Too much work on applying funding makes him worry about his soul.


I am different. I want to do photography but don’t know where to start. I read photos but don’t take them. Why is that?